The Valentine's Day [Hair] Massacre

In the middle Of January, our family went to my brother’s house for my SIL’s birthday gathering.  Informal, just our family and her family. It a good time catching up with those kinda-in-laws, and kinda-BIL’s and kinda SIL’s.  I say this in the sense that they are my brother’s wife’s family so there is really no relation whatsoever.  But since we see them often, it is like they are really in-laws.  I am sure you have one or two of these yourself.  I hope.  Maybe I am just crazy.  

Oh well.

So we are sitting around, chatting, and my kinda BIL and fiancé-of-kinda- BIL jump up, grab a flyer from real SIL’s fridge and ask if we can get a sitter for February 12.  My first reaction is “Yeah,  that is four weeks away.  I hope I can get a sitter with that much lead time.”  So I say “yeah” and he invites us to a couple’s costume party for Valentines Day.  Oh, to be young, in love, and without kids. Bliss.

So for the next hour the conversation revolves around ideas for couple’s costumes.  He gets a little testy when we say we are going to come as ketchup and mustard.  That’s famous for being together, right?  I guess there is some technicality regarding real people.  My eyes light up when they suggest Dog the Bounty Hunter and his wife, Beth.  I used to watch that show religiously.  For some reason it fascinated me to no end.  This guy, who was once in jail, is now a bondsman and a darn good one at that.  He doesn’t judge his captures, just tries to reform them and bring them to Jesus, who saved him.  And seriously, how does Beth walk in stilettos with a bosom as large as that?  She can hardly drive because she can’t cross her arm across her chest to turn the steering wheel.

There is one twist to this couples costume party though.  One must bring food that “goes with” your character.  OK, so Dog the bounty hunter could bring hot dogs?  Or onion rings –like handcuffs?

 

A couple of days pass and I ask DadOfAllTrades if he can see himself as Dog.  He kinda mumbles something.  I have known this man for going on 13 years now and I am well aware of the fact that costumes and DadOfAllTrades usually are not found together.  Not that he doesn’t like them, but he doesn’t like them.  He sees no point.  He does not object to the kids dressing up, and finds it funny in fact, but he has no interest in doing it himself.  I somewhat figure that there is no way this party is going to happen for us and that is Ok.  The conversation about it was fun and got my creative juices flowing.

I randomly search for other ideas, but not with any amount of enthusiasm. 

The following weekend I am making cinnamon rolls for Buzz from this blog that I read regularly.  He loves him some sweet breakfast and I am, for once, going to oblige.  DadOfAllTrades and I are discussing nothing in particular.  Then it hits me like a ton of bricks.  My face lights up and I state “We can be The Pioneer Woman and Marlboro Man!!!!!.”  DadOfAllTrades looks at me questioningly, then gets it.

 

The Pioneer Woman is a blog that I follow.   She has a fancy-dancy site with info on her life, cooking, photography.  She is a LA-fasionista-vegetarian-high heeled wearing person who spent six months or so at home in between grad school and undergrad.  Then she met a cattle rancher and fell in love.  Her blog is entertaining, to say the least.  I have spent way too much time reading there when I should be doing something else.  She calls herself “Pioneer Woman” and her husband “Marlboro Man”.  Since my SIL is the one who turned me on to the cooking part of the site, she will totally know who we are.

“You already have a cowboy hat and boots!   All I would need is a red wig and I could wear regular clothes.  We can bring her cinnamon rolls [the ones she made on the Today Show]!!”  DadOfAllTrades seems intrigued.  Now THAT is the kinda costume he can get into.  Just regular stuff.

I order the wig and DadOfAllTrades tries on the hat and boots.  Sa-weet.  He’s a cutie!  Then he disappears into the bedroom and comes out with a western belt and big buckle.  He will never cease to amaze me!  This is getting fun.

Over the next week or so, DadOfAllTrades checks out the blog for photos of Marlboro Man.  I personally have not seen one, but then again, I have not searched.  I do know that the photos I have seen are him from the back or the top of his cowboy hat.  He does not like the spot light like she does, so he does not allow her to photograph him.  At least from the front full-face.  DadOfAllTrades is seriously studying this blog site.  He notices that Marlboro Man has short grey hair and a goatee.

 

The week before, DadOfAllTrades calls me from work and asks me to search the Wrangler site to see if they list retail stores in the area.  He wants to get the same kind of jeans this dude wears.  This is getting more fun.

Enter a few mix-ups with babysitting (of course, I thought it would be easy) the week before and some weird reactions to my wig try-on session.  It is Friday before the Saturday party.  At dinner, DadOfAllTrades asks if I can cut his hair short so he looks more like Marlboro Man.  Sure, I shrug.  Nary another thought.

 

Coffee brewed, breakfast eaten, and we are sitting in our pj’s and robes enjoying the morning.  Then the real bomb drops.  “So, are you going to color my hair or what?  You better do it before I change my mind.”

WHAT?!? 

Is DadOfAllTrades toally and completely embracing this idea?  Is he really going to go all out and COLOR HIS HAIR?  I darn near spit my coffee out and agree to run to the local Drug Mart.   In the hair color aisle, I am getting frustrated with the hair coloring choices because all of them want to cover grey, not color it grey.  We have many phone conversations with his sister who was a cosmetologist at one point regarding the look we want.  I eventually settle on a bleach-it-all- out type of color and run home.

The rest of the day is a blur:

DadOfAllTrades on the phone with his sister discussing weather hair had to be dirty or clean when coloring it.

DadOfAllTrades with a REALLY blond test patch above one ear.

DadOfAllTrades’ hair looking like Guy Fieri’s hair.

Me buzz-cutting the yellow spikes.

The dog looking at DadOfAllTrades funny-like.  If there was a word bubble over his head it would have read something like “I think I know that guy.  He smells like my human dad, but he sure doesn’t look like my human dad.   I think I will stare at it from this other room over here until I am sure.”

The boys giggling at the hair change.

DadOfAllTrades shaving off his beard to leave a goatee then deciding that the goatee is too dark and bleaching it.  [Side note: I have known DadOfAllTrades for going on12 years now and I have NEVER seen him without a beard.]

DadOfAllTrades wanting to go to the secondhand tack shop to see if they have chaps.

It was fabulous!  He looked like the Marlboro Man from Oklahoma.  I am hooked on DadOfAllTrades for doing this.

In our years together, DadOfAllTrades has given me a fair share of flowers, candy, etc.  He has come to know me well and realized that, while I love flowers, I have this little voice in my head that wonders what else can be done with the money he spent on something that is just going to die anyway.  To me it is akin to throwing out a ten dollar bill.  So, each and every Valentine’s day he kindly asks “What are we doing for this holiday.”  I usually let him off the hook with a “lets just buy some really good steaks and grill out.  No cards.”  And truthfully, that is the way I like it.  I would rather have his attention than any card.

 

However, this Valentine’s Day gift is something more.  He went outside his comfort zone: no costumes.   Not only did he dress up, he did it with such gusto, the likes of which I cannot describe.  It is difficult for me to put into words how touched I am and how lucky I feel.  He took it upon himself to get into the idea of the party instead of me just going out and buying a costume for him to wear.   He carefully thought out every detail.  He studied his subject.  He went to new stores.  He called his sister to ask about coloring hair.  He walked into a room full of strangers, dressed as a cowboy (chaps and all) with bleached blond hair and no beard.  He, who is usually quite happy to blend into the woodwork, was the center of attention all night with many explanations of “Wow dude, you look so different.”

I will never forget this Valentine’s Day!  I have my own Marlboro Man.  He is my shining light!