Seven and an half years ago... NO wait, seven and a half years ago plus ten months, I signed on to be a mom. I had dreams. I saw myself strolling around with a well behaved child. Going to playgrounds and sliding down slides. Hosting sleepovers with all-night talk fests. Being the house that all the kids wanted to go to because we always had Popsicles or ice cream. Having the kind of relationship with my kids that allowed us to communicate openly and honestly, then truly understand and respect each other.
Well, not really. DadOfAllTrades and I wanted to reproduce. We both wanted children, we got married after 30, and...well... time was running out on my reproductive years.
It is not that we didn't put a huge amount of thought into it. We were just old enough to know that is what we wanted and we were going to do it, for good or for bad.
This may sound like I am not happy with the decision to have children. Quite the contrary. I am LOVING having kids. It has been, and will be, the most energy I have ever spent on one project. It has changed my outlook on the world. It has made me emotionally stronger, less selfish (I think), and more likely to walk around with stains on my clothes.
We have been having a hard time at it lately. The boys are in full blown summer mode. That is, not wanting to do anything except complain about the toys they don't have and fighting over the toys they do have. Usually the fights are over something they have not seen or even thought of in over six months. They are verbally mean to each other, doing a huge amount of whining, and LegoMaster has been talking to me like I am his slave.
"Mom, the TV is too loud!" Yeah, well what would you like me to do, master? Really, I don't say that because it would perpetuate the verbal non-politeness and they have yet to be old enough to understand sarcasm. What I do say is: "Then get off the couch and turn it down." You lazy stinker.
There have been a couple of days that, once I get my boys to bed, I hole myself up in the bathroom and take an hour long shower. Just so I do not have to think for a little bit. The day has been so emotionally draining that I cannot even converse with DadOfAllTrades until I have had my alone time.
No one ever told me about these times of motherhood. I do not think I entered into it believing it would be all tea and cupcakes. I was too old for that nonsense. However, I never realized the "race" to be a good mom was not a mile long leisurely paced jog. It is a marathon of Iron Man proportions. One that goes on for a lifetime. It is hard and time consuming and emotionally draining and sometimes humiliating. It takes a person of strength to raise a child the "right" way.
There are times when all one can do is fall to their knees and ask the Lord for help. Be it strength to get through the day, or patience, or kind lips, or whatever one feels is the right thing at the time. I have fallen to the advice I should follow: Philippians 4:6. "...in everything...present your requests to God..." I have found that just by asking, my Savior provides me with all I need. For example, in these last trying days I have been praying A LOT for help with the boys (so I don't strangle them). And, low an' behold, I was messaged this blog entry. Couldn't of happened at a better, more appropriate time.
I have been reminded that I am under a higher power while raising my kids. My prayers have been answered and I can make it through today. My earth body and mind may need some time alone at the end of today, but I now know why I have been called to be a parent.
And, for good or for bad, I know that I will make it through with His help.
you're right, great timing.
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