I am having trouble getting in the Christmas spirit this year.
There, I said it. Sometimes just putting it in words that come out of your mouth make one feel better. But I don’t, yet.
December is always busy. There are gifts to buy. [Then return because they bought it for themselves; then re-buy, then.. well you get it.] There are meals to plan and prepare for those you wish to honor in this way. There are decorations to put up. A tree to bring in the house and confuse the poor dog. Kids pageants to attend. Family members to argue with over who brings the cheesy potatoes to Eve dinner. Or not. Forget I mentioned that last one.
The list gets bigger and bigger every year and I just want to crawl under a bigger and bigger blanket every year. I am not sure why. There was one year I remember as an adult in which I felt particularly festive. I remember driving home from work so it was sometime after college, or I was in college on break, and thinking that even the stop lights are red and green. Wondrous! But I can’t remember much joy beyond that.
When does this fabulous season get to be so hectic and not festive for a mom? Shouldn’t I be feeling the joy through my kid’s eyes? Why don’t I drool at the thought of the special cookies we make? When did it all become so much?
Maybe it is the moving of my nephew out of the house. I never thought it would cause me to pause and think of how much I miss taking care of him. Well, not really as he is 24 years old. But he did live in the warmth of our house, and ate our food, and received mail here, and even took our advice. I guess one could say that he was like a son without the hours of back labor. And he has his first apartment. I get weepy ever thinking about it, and have refused to think about when my 6 and 5 year olds move out. Perish the thought.
Maybe it is that we have just got our tree and it is the 17th of December. You see, there was this huge blizzard on the day we wanted to get the tree. Then there was more blizzard the next day. Plans got scrapped, and we just got around to driving the quarter mile to the “tree house”, as the boys call it. This wonderful family started a tree business that we could practically walk to, but don’t because it would involve a main street of 55 mph traffic. They have the nicest Frasier Furs and a really cool wood burning stove. And, to make it all the more small-townish, their nephew is in Buzz’s kindergarten class. When we did arrive, we ask if the snow has kept people away because he seems to have quite a few trees left this year (not in those words. I think DadOfAllTrades did pretty well with eloquence in this occasion, I might add.) It turns out the PTO of one of the local schools had a tree sale this year. It was held at a location that was within one mile of three different places that sell trees and have been selling trees for many years. Then, they had the nerve to arrive on his property and ask if he wanted to buy their leftovers. I had heard about his sale because I have kids in the schools, but had no interest because we have our “tree house”. It reduced his sales by 1/3!!! Bah humbug I say. Keep the tree sales to the pros and find something else to raise money with. We already pay enough in taxes to the schools.
Maybe because during the blizzard our 15 year old dog started acting weird. Like stumbling around. Like head cocked to one side. Like walking over to his bed then staring at it like he didn’t know what to do. I have worked with enough elderly to recognize the symptoms of a stroke when I see it. DadOfAllTrades was beside himself because our dog is like his firstborn. This dog was his comfort during the roughest time of his life and is still 2 years old in DadOfAllTrades’ mind. I honestly think that DadOfAllTrades thought we were going to have to put the dog down. It was both touching and heartbreaking at the same time. I have to admit my prayers went something like this: “Please God, let him make it through Christmas because I cannot handle having to comfort my husband and try to crawl out from under my own haze. Sorry to be selfish, God, but you want us to tell you our fears….” Let it be known that doggie is doing well. He will always have a half-cocked head, but at least he is peeing outside now.
Maybe it is the fact that I want to have my own wife during this season. No, I do not play for both teams. I just want to have someone who does it all and all I have to do is show up dressed right. I cannot take full credit for this idea (thank you FB). How is it that the male persuasion of this world can pay only the bill for the holiday and the female persuasion run themselves ragged for five or so weeks? How is it that the male can ask “Boy honey, you look tired. Why?” and be serious that they do not know?
Maybe DadOfAllTrades, who lovingly suggested that we paint the front room before the 24th, is doing a whole lotta complaining. It was YOUR idea. Just saying.
Maybe this will pass. Maybe not. But I will have 13 people in my house on the 19th, and 25 or more on the eve of Christmas and there is not one clean toilet in the house. I must get a move on and crawl out from under this blanket. God bless us every one.
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