Around or about November 3rd or 4th I heard of a post regarding a mother who let her son dress as Daphne from Scooby Doo for Halloween. My first reaction was nothing. Maybe a “Cool idea”, but I didn't think much of it in my frenzy that is regular life. A couple of day later, one of my Facebook friends posted the link to the blog of The Cop’s Wife and, for curiosities sake, I read the post. (If you haven’t read this beautifully and heartfelt post, you must, must, must.)
I was immediately in love with this woman’s heart and wanted to jump up and down in applause for her support of her son. AND, the sheer knowledge of what her boy really wanted was a great example for me to follow. I can be a “Do-it-my-way-because-it-is-the-only-way” kinda mom and I have to forcefully make myself calm down and realize that the path to point B from point A may have some side paths attached. In the few years that I have been sheparding my boys, I have realized that the side paths are the better way every time and have learned to encourage their wandering. I have learned that bouncing across the parking lot to the store’s doorways is just as good of a way to get out of the rain as walking at a brisk pace muttering “Hurry, it’s raining!” As a mom, I not only have to, but need to allow the ramblings of their hearts in order to allow them to discover what their hearts truly want.
So I took the post to heart, prayed for her to find peace, and promptly forgot about it.
Just recently, on an evening when I only had 107 things to do (so I was sitting on the couch surfing the net) I revisited her blog. Noticing a recent post entitled “Epilogue”, I was intrigued. Catchy title. So I read it. And it ruined my night. Or should I say what this woman had to endure, and still is enduring, for a loving choice regarding her own son, ruined my night.
She is being strong-armed by her church for posting this in the first place. They are criticizing her for “naming names” of the mean spirited, not-happy-about-the-costume-choice, other moms in the preschool class. [Which, in my humble opinion, she did not do. She just called them Mom A, Mom B, and Mom C, so if by a huge coincidence their last names start with A, B, and C, then she named names. But I am thinking they are not and she did not.] I am having such trouble believing that the powers that be in her church are treating her so poorly. This entire situation is very close to what DadOfAllTrades had to endure after his divorce; the entire reason why he is SO turned off by organized religion that I can rarely get him to darken the doors of my favorite church even though he says he knows in his heart that his boys should be seeing him attend. What happened to the loving kindness that Jesus showed his fellow man in His walk on the Earth? I don’t think the way they are acting is “What Jesus Would Do.” Even if she had broken commandments or stepped asunder, forgiveness is only a prayer away when said with true repentance. It is not being excluded from an important church ritual or even being asked to leave the church, both penances inflicted by humans, not the Lord.
I am so thankful that there are mothers out there who have sons that feel comfortable enough to express what they really want with the knowledge that mom (and dad also) will follow through. This knowledge alone will help this family endure through this trial, and many trials to come in Boo’s life. What if, when it is time to choose college, Boo states that his dream is to travel Europe in search of a life’s mission? Most parents would cringe and INSIST that he attend school, THEN he can travel with his newfound degree. Maybe Boo would end up being the next great missionary, working to save thousands of people from a life without Christ. Or maybe he would discover the last living Dodo bird. Or maybe he would travel, see the fabulous architecture that abounds in Europe and rush back to the states to earn his Architects degree. Whatever-but the world would never know unless he had parents that listened to his heart and supported him 100%. I commend her moxie and hope that this experience can help grow the relationship between her and Boo.
It is disheartening to me to know that the world does not approve of such behavior. Goodness forbid that a mother allows her son to have a favorite show. To have a favorite character. To dress like that character. So what if that character is of the opposite sex? Who would criticize a young lady who dresses as Fred? I believe that many wouldn’t even bat an eyelash. These young children are just playing out the lives of the fun characters they see. It is us, as adults that put a positive or negative on the behavior of children’s play. My own Buzz used to make a bee line for the princess dresses that my nieces had and become Tinkerbell for a couple of hours-glittery shoes and all. Did I tell him it was wrong? NO. Did I ask him to change? NO. Because he was just dressing up like his cousins, who he loves and wants to play with. He was not “becoming gay” at 4 years old. He was exploring what it was like to wear a dress and heels. And he probably realized what a life of pain it is to be a woman because he now is only donning Jedi robes. But seriously, he was playing. And I do have photos of it to prove to him later that he really did do it.
This story has touched me in a big way. I want to be the type of parent that would allow, no support, my son who wanted to dress as a girl for Halloween. I want to be the type of mom who would stand next to my son and say “Doesn’t he look great?!?” I want to be the type of mom who would go on national television to defend my stand, and my son’s choice.
And I want to be the type of adult that would not stand for another adult making fun of a child. I want to be the type of adult that would get in the middle of the “Why did you let your son do this?” conversation and support the parent being attacked. Good for the Cop’s Wife for standing up for her beliefs and her family. Good for her for posting a follow up and not being afraid of the backlash. Good for her.
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