LegoMaster and Buzz are not in the habit of putting things away.
Not for my lack of trying.
I have attempted to organize their lives: They have see-through bins for toys, some even labeled with not only words, but pictures. Said bins rest comfortably on shelves that came with the house (and will probably be the last thing standing after the Apocalypse they are so strong). The bins match and stack, just like I like them.
There are large enough compartments for the board games. I have even come up with using underbed-storage boxes for the mountains of Legos, probably not my own idea but it works for me. The bottom of the box is large and one can push around the miniscule pieces of plastic to search for just the right piece without having to dump the entire bucket. My eyes light on fire when I see the waterfall of pieces when one of my boys dumps the entire bucket. It makes me instantly a crazy mom because I know that I will be the one helping to pick them up, or vacuuming them up, whichever comes first.
I have weeded out the toys they no longer use. Less to organize and pick up.
We have designated clean up times. They are usually at the end of the day and, now that I think about it, are sheer torture because we are all tired.
But the toys always end up in a big pile in front of the fireplace on the hearth. We don’t use the fireplace with a chimney in this house because it is fueled by gas. Kinda like throwing money up the flue.
But I degress..
The fact that things do not get put away has not yet begun to affect my boys. They will whine and complain for roughly 20 seconds while rifling through the stack of junk toys, then get distracted by another toy they have just unearthed in their search. Myself, and DadOfAllTrades, have tried to use words to teach them that if they put things back where they belong, they are easier to find at a later date.
And I usually do some kind of search once they go to bed then put the ‘lost’ toy in a strategic place so they feel that they have found it. I’m a sucker for my kids.
So, today I have asked LegoMaster to get his new mouthpiece. You see, he had to purchase a new one from Sensei because he lost his first one. Apparently, he just let it fall to the floor (or should I say, was distracted enough to not realize it had fallen to the floor) and it was thrown away. To tell the truth, I was quite happy with Sensei for doing that because I have had to send him back in the dojo many-a-time to grab it from the floor. I wanted to say “See-I told you so!” but I didn’t because I am an adult and I know that that would have been mean. So I gave him a hug and reminded him that he needed to use his own money to purchase the new one. He did that on Sunday, four days ago. He used that mouthpiece exactly once before today.
We were going to form it this morning (I know, one should form a mouthpiece before using it. But I am lazy and I did not do it Sunday night.) I put the water on to boil and asked my dear, sweet boy to get his mouthpiece. He brought me the case and stood back. We opened it and…………….it was empty. LegoMaster looked as though he had been punched in the stomach. His stare of disbelief was priceless, in a bad way though. I wanted to grab him up and tell him it would be ok. But I couldn’t as I was reeling myself.
How in the world could it be gone already? He JUST got it.
He just went dejectedly to search his bag and clothes from yesterday in the hamper. No luck. I told him that he had to once again use his own money to buy another one. He was bummed. He was broken. He was practically crying. “I am using up way too much of my own money!!” He wailed. All I could do was hug him and say that I was sorry this happened to him.
Here is a time when I wanted to shout “I told you that things should be put away as soon as you are finished with them and then you will be able to find them when you want them.” Or I could have gone off on the fact that this sorrow was brought upon himself by his lack of focus.
But, as a mom, I realized that those spoken words would not have been helpful. They would have been hurtful. Motherhood has done a good job at teaching me how to shut my mouth. In the days of old, I would have spouted off. Now I have learned that there are some situations in which the mouth must stay shut. This has taken me a long time to learn.
There is this huge part of me that wants to be the fix-it-up mom. If I see my boys hurting, I want to remove the hurt. I once confronted another child on the playground who was being mean to others, including my kid. The mom was none to happy about it, but geez, the mama lion in me kicked in and I had to fix-it. There is a fine line between helping your children with their hurts and doing it for them. I am afraid all the times I got in the middle of a dispute have not helped my boy learn how to take care of his seven year old self.
This is where I need the help. When do I stop and let the inevitable happen? When do I just sit back and watch my son get chastised as school because he still sucks his thumb? (And please don’t go there yet. I will write about that situation at a later date and you can get on my case about thumb-sucking all you want to then.) When do I let the mouthpiece lay on the floor and walk out the door of the dojo rather than remind him to check for it before we leave? And will I have the guts to know that he will be devastated again if I ‘do nothing’ by letting him forget?
There is a wise woman in my Bible study who told of watching her son date an objectionable woman for four years and how she saw the spirit in him crumble. FOUR YEARS! A mother watched her son be taken apart for four years because she wanted to let him make his own choices. She had fears that he would run towards the mean lady, rather than away, if she opened her mouth and told her son what she saw. Now, she did faithfully pray every stinking day for his eyes to open, and they finally did. What patience that must have taken. How her heart must have broken each time she saw them together. But she kept her mouth shut and her eyes on her God. I can only hope to esteem to half of that!
This time it was just $1.50 worth of mouthpiece, but what about next time he is disorganized? Will I have the strength to keep my mouth shut again? I certainly hope so. I hope the learning I have had this time will bleed over into the next time I can see a train wreck about to occur.
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