LegoMaster sucks his thumb. He has done so since six months of age. I can remember the very moment that he discovered he could act on his arm and hand in such a way to bring the thumb to the mouth for sucking pleasure. If it was a cartoon, there would have been lights, an inspirational high note and cymbals crashing. He has never looked back to a binky or to a blanket corner.
He has comforted himself with said thumb for seven years now. I have been asked by more than a few folks why I allow such behavior and what am I going to do about it. I am sure those folks are well-meaning mind you, but it always makes me pause. Do I attack in an “it’s none of your business” way? Do I humor them and discuss my parenting style? Do I stare dumbly and pretend I have no idea that LegoMaster is doing it?
There is a part of me that wants to do all of those things.
But I usually do the second, that is discuss why I feel it is no big deal and how I cope with it as a mom of a too-old-thumb-sucker. I cannot drop that people pleasing bug that I have.
DadOfAllTrades and I have discussed this topic more than I care to share. We have both come to the conclusion that we cannot make him stop. He must decide for himself when to stop. That being said, we both want him to stop and we want him to stop yesterday.
He sucks constantly when at home. When we are playing games, he frequently touches playing pieces with his saliva covered thumb and we gag. (I have been known to lay out entire decks of cards just to spray them with Lysol. So if you play with us, have no fear. I know what grossness this may be bringing up in you. Just know that I clean the toys, a lot.) We are afraid that this behavior is extending to school and that other children who are not so nice will make fun of him.
And, there is also the concern of germs. LegoMaster has had strep three times this school year. That is way too many for me as I am the one trying to adjust our schedule for a sick child. Not to mention the fact that I usually get it as they give me goodnight kisses. I am NO fun when I have strep.
So, DadOfAllTrades and I have put a bargain in front of the master of all that is Lego. If he can stop sucking his thumb in all places except the privacy of his own room then he can have the Lego of his choice. This was not an easy decision to make as there are some Lego sets that cost as much as a car payment. But DadOfAllTrades is willing to pay the price. So I guess I am with him on this one.
I was a thumb sucker. Mom tells me I sucked until I was around 10 years old. She thinks I gave up the public stuff somewhere around first grade, but she does not remember the exact time. She does remember the futile attempts to stop me as a baby. By putting yucky tasting stuff on my thumb. By not putting my arm in my pj’s (Dad says he checked on me that night only to find my little hand sticking out the head hole with my neck, both at an awkward angle, thumb securely in mouth). I have been told it is genetic. This I can see because he is following in my footsteps almost exactly.
Some have commented on the amount we will have to eventually pay for braces. The dentist is not concerned. So I guess I should say that I am not concerned. The frugal side of me cringes. I know that paying for braces is something that goes along with having kids just like paying to have the car carpet cleaned every year. She (the funny dentist) can tell he sucks because his palate is different on one side. Again, she does not express concern although she has warned of the problems it could cause with permanent teeth. DadOfAllTrades thinks she is not concerned because of the dollar signs she sees attached to LegoMaster’s thumb-teeth combination. As a fellow mom, though, I think she is just saying in a tactful way “good luck with that” when she answers in a vague way.
As a mom I am betwixt and between. I want it to end. But I know how strong a habit it is. I understand his need for comfort. His thumb is like a love object for him just as much as his actually lovey (this washcloth sized, totally beat up and stinky taggy square that has been repaired umpteenth times). I want him to have a place to go that is secure and comfortable, on his terms. We all need comfort and a soft place to land. How could I possibly take that away from him or beg him to not do it? It would be like taking away his lovey and there is nothing on this earth that would cause me to do that intentionally.
However, there is a big part of my mom-hood that wants it done. I want to stop asking him to wash his hands every five minutes. I want to stop the mommy-worrying about him being made fun of and a brunt of jokes about being a baby. I want to move into school age with no part of me back in toddlerhood. I have, after all, not had to purchase any type of diaper-regular or nighttime-in over a month and I do not wish to relive that slice of time. I want to stop hearing “SLUUUUPRP!” from the back seat when he answers a question in the car.
Biting the bullet is what I am going to have to do, I think. I cannot make him or he will be resentful. I feel like I cannot let it go on without saying anything. And I most definitely will not take away his security.
**I wrote this almost a month ago now, and I am happy to report that great strides are being made. Thumb sucking has all but ceased in the regular family time part of our day. If LegoMaster is idle (car, bed) thent he thumb is still in place and he is happy as a clam. updates will continue.
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